Friday, December 20, 2013


Once in a while we get religious bigots come prancing in with their their half-baked view of reality outside and shove their comments (often on fb). No manners!.
 You think your truths is the ultimate truths? Where is your manners? Where is the humility and an inch of consideration of other's view of this world? Is that what religion have produced? You just go anywhere and shove your selfish views onto others? Your selfish views of the ultimate truths is the truths?

Often its very hurtful when it comes to trans people and our issues. This kind of comments automatically nullify our life and struggle. To live fully, to live honestly and just be. When we have people come and spit out their own grand view of the truths and nullifies our existence, of course we have and should have a snapback with an equal force. Because you just hurt me asshole.  Since we're young a child and growing up, we have to synchronize with reality surround us despite whats been spoon fed by our parents and people around of what's right and wrong. You have no idea. Because your version of ultimate truths sucked, your empathy dry. Back to comments such as above, every time i see this kind of comments from that kind of people, it made my hands twitch and brain working faster like dipped in caffeine and to level up and reply with an equal firepower. My friend did try her best to reason still within the scope of religion.

But usually to make someone empathize or understand with someone who s/he thinks holds the ultimate truths is a futile act. Often for these indoctrinated people their ultimate truths veiled their senses, there's not even a hole or a small crack for a view, perspective to consider. Regardless what I've believed in, and in that moment or time when you spit your crappy views out and hurt people, consider this first. 'Your god is dead to me'.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

*big long sigh

this morning, i actually get an idea to write this lines,lyrics,poems from listing to 'This Wal-Mart Life' by Star Fuckin Hipsters, the line 'Go to sleep' keep ringing in my head then i start writing… those who's been veiled by KLIA, KLCC, Megamoles those who've been deafed by pRimaTusantiviMetrotiga those who's swallowed everything and never chewed those ancient Walkers of handed down traditions those who see,herd and follow

…to those who like the torture without pleasure

…to those who keep paying, without calculating those inside the box without thinkering those flat liners in an endless tunnel


-Mak Anon


wrote this yesterday, after i saw a friend's fb post,
she said something along, she's been travelled often to few countries,
most tourists give compliments to the airport and KLCC and love to shopping 
in Malaysia….and ask why so many ungrateful people keep complaining things….
her post echoes in me and made me write things that I've come across before experience working with
some NGOs

in a way… :

Hutan botak, pokok tarak,
bukit aman, syukur meshia aman

Satu bangsa, monokultur,
bukit aman, syukur meshia aman

Mindamati, carigali, egonomi,
bukit aman, syukur meshia aman

bukit aman, syukur meshia aman

Suka diPERKOSA, dipandu PEMANDU,
enjoy diPERKUDA, 
bukit aman, syukur meshia aman

Skimcepatgaya, kelapasa-wait!
bukit aman, syukur meshia aman

Politirakus, tanahtumpahdara ku,
bukit aman, syukur meshia aman

Mana BrunoManser, jadi baja?
bukit aman, syukur meshia aman

Lupa nak taib, takde mood, 
bukit aman, syukur meshia aman

-Mak Anon

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

post Manila pride thoughts

before i forgot, i've written down something the next morning while having a breakfast after Manila pride.

It goes something like this...

In order to have a healthy society,
everybody should free to be themselves, and express themselves freely,
a society which suppress their voice and thoughts would only result them expressing in a different way for example in social media evidently like in fb. Malaysian's / activists favourite info sharing, thoughts bashing site.
Because there are no other channel to go to. I was told even in Indonesia, you have medium on radio or on tv that discusses sensitive issues like mother marrying a son, tons of people participate in sharing their thoughts and views.
I think Philippines have a healthy society, LGBT people are free to express themselves evidently there are queer or effiminate men everywhere you go here. Effiminate gay men who put on full thick make-up and lipstick while having an unshaven moustache. How often can you see such view in Malaysia? I'm sure a person who does this would get beaten up or insulted, jeered by some other macho guys. Malaysia if to compare to Philippines like to conform to the heteronormative ideas of male and female gender while in Philippines they defies everything. I often see effiminate male wear make-up and walkign with his partner everywhere without having to worry about anything, of course there are some people here that would still trying to shame or name calling like using the word 'Bakla' or Malaysian equivalent of 'Pondan' but i find it people here have more im not sure its the right word sympahty or maybe empathize to LGBT members here. That's why there are so many LGBT groups here and some are so vocal in fighting for their own rights. Because they even know if their government stoop down or get to Malaysian type of political atmosphere, its already too late to do anything openly or live freely or just being who you are.

Kate Montecarlo of ATP once told me that in Philippines, eventhough you are poor you can live happily, your neighbor, you friends can feed you, help you, were like big family, if to compare to Japan, your neighbor will only help you once or twice then that's it. This is just a comparison to 1st world country but the point is the eventhough its a Catholic country, eventhough the church power interfere with the law in the parlimen and in the law-making, they don't brainwash people to hate LGBT people because they have long history of LGBT people living openly, freely since the colonials time. There's one lecturer who wrote his own book about the history of gay people in his book he quoted so many things since the American set their foot in this country.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013


I had some few thougthts running just now, this morning, also yesterday apparently.

Lets start from yesterday, its in Facebook. Someone posted a link that came out on my timeline, he typed, 'i didn't know the Chowsky brothers is currently working on this movie.' FOr some funny reason i felt pissed. All this time, he didn;t know Lana Wachowsky have already transitioned, why the eff you typed that. Then i think somemore, maybe he didn't know. So i was rummaging the youtube for a video that might shed some light or educate or make people at least understand the plight of transwomen. And so I put the youtube video on my wall. Bad question to ask a transsexual by the transwomen actress Calpernia Adam. ( )
 I don't want to be preachy and reply and post on people's wall to educate people about my thoughts, preachy isn't cool. But in a way its a retaliation to his 'the Chowski brothers' post. I don't think he mean to insult anyone but it sure made me feel like i had to do something about it.

Today i saw his new posting again but this time, without the 'brothers' but just 'the Wachowski'
the url
i don't know why but simple things like misgendered other transwomen can make me twitch. Sigh...

Today's thoughts this morning is partly because of the thoughts above and a little bit about traditions. Since we were young, we're handed down some set of our parents belief, thoughts, lifestyle and in a way shape our early lives. And for transpeople, we find this conflicting ourselves since we were young. Then we look for answers. (reading books, scour the internet, keep questioning things). Then along the way we found and updated ourselves to the new information that we have learnt so far. Because this new piece of information is so true because we are it and because we are the evidence.

But for average people (or some people call it cisgendered people), people who are born with the matching gender/sexuality. The information handed down to them aka tradition does not conflicting their mindset or who they are inside so there's no need to look for answers or question things and the tradition or system that are handed down to them is perfect. So they begin practising, live within the system or tradtion handed down to them without any questioning at all. So we have this people that make up the society. The society that strive on the old tradition, system who thinks it is perfect for them. Why update your beliefs and lifestyle. It doesn't conflict with anything in their self. Its perfect.

This is just to simply demonstrate the 2 differences of group in the society. It is not to say that this is a fact, because even within the LGBT community there are who still practising the belief system and traditions that's been handed down to them without any questions.

“Change is the only constant in life.”― Heraclitus

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Manila Pride March 2013

7th December 2013
I think i can say that on this date that it was the best time that i had here in the Philippines. Its the 19th Manila Pride March 2013. I was just cameback from a long trip up north to Ilocos (Navarcan & Gregorio Del Pilar). And apparently i heard they organize this last minute. Quezon City initially where its original location was cancelled by the mayor in remembrance of the typhoon Yolanda but last minute the organizers trying to contact all other LGBTQ organizations for the new location in Malate before 2-3 days and the turn up was really amazing. Many organizations ive known and some new to me was there. I tag along ATP group members Dindi, Krizia again. Went to Dindi's house early in the morning, the to Krizia's house, pick up ATP banner, fetch Aryan from the LRT which she came all the way from Ilocos to Quezon City, took a cab and straight for Malate.

Reach the shopping center where we met, and i forgot that it was part of ATP x TMP christmas meet up where they brought alogn presents exchange between the members. I bought last minute a fluffy rabbit doll and join in the program. Minimum cost for present is 300 pesos. Had a big lunch, took photos, then walk to the location of the parade. There i get excite to see so many people carrying rainbow flags, not just that but people are all out expressing themselves. Full spectrum of rainbow beings walking around and getting ready for the march.

Naomi was invited to be the host or president of the event. She was volunteering for the registration of the march. I took some photos with the FilipinoFreetinkers as they have the most amazing banners. "We march for those who can't". When i saw the signs with all other countries that are against LGBT and saw Malaysian flag, without a second thoughts that i introduce myself with the founder or member of the group and start taking photos. It was like a Eureka moment. Then i realize how lucky i am to be there. To march with the family. People who can relate to each other, same struggle within the diversity group. Then we started to walk.

As we walk, there were many people from both sides of the road mostly cheering, and then there are also few individuals who are are coming from the religious group who's holding the their signages saying 'Jesus can save you', 'Repent' and some other churchy and negative slogans. There are also some kids who were shouting 'Bakla', a derogatory or stigmatized term for transpeople here. It was meant for the heterosexual society to call names for who doesn't belong to their group. It has a long history attached to it.

It was a long walk and i felt my back aching until we reach the destination, a place called 'Heaven'. It was quite an apt name, like reclaiming it from the religious people and call it our own. Heaven is what you make it here on earth. Its all up to your interpretation, what you want your life to be.
Then Naomi who's hosting the event that night ask each group/organization they going to call to come up on stage to give a short and sweet speech. One by one. Then the last program of the event was a few group performances by the community themselves. I left earlier with ATP and back to Dindi's house. by this time, my back was really aching, after taking the LRT1 to North Ave, near Dindi's house, i lied down flat and slept for awhile before before woke up and continue chatting with Dindi's anak. She cook some food for us, after we ate, i left, stop a taxi and back home. As usual i was quite hesitant to take the taxi but the because of the tired and aching, i force myself, and as usual the taxi driver turn around a couple of times looking at me, maybe to reaffirm himself there's a transwoman or maybe someone not local. I try to brave myself and as soon as i reach hostel, it was so relief. Talking to the guard for awhile to show the taxi driver that i know people here. Yea, if you're here and heard all the not so good things about the taxy driver, you'll be thinking more than 100 times to take the cab. The last news i heard form a friend here, latest incident, they wet the clothe with chloroform and put it near the aircond so the passengers will be dizzy and so on. Until today if possible i try to avoid taking taxi unless it was late and i'm too tired, which happens to be most of the time i go out when i meet friends XD But it was a beautiful day indeed and i walk in solidarity with my rainbow family from malaisea. <3 <3 <3

Thursday, December 5, 2013

one with the elements

4 days trip to the town of Ilocos (Brngy Navarcan by the sea and Brngy Gregorio Del Pilar, 1 and half hour trip up the mountain.) ATP (Association of transgender of the Philippines) was invited to Navarcan to give a talk for the World Aids Day and then we're going to ATP member, Krizia's hometown, Gregorio Del Pilar where she was invited to participate in scoring the local beauty pageant.
2 days ago 1st December Sunday, we took an express deluxe bus near Cubao, destination Ilocos (720 pesos), the bus sign says Vigan so it must be a neaby place. Left around 915am and reach destination around 630pm so its around 9hours bus trip. The bus stop twice for bathroom and meals break. Our destination is this town called Narvacan then we took tricycles to this place called Villa Gloria beach resort. Dindi met her anak-anak which she hasn't met for 2 years, so its was like a reunion and to catch up with things. They work there at the Villa and we stayed there for one night.
The reason we were there also was because Kate,Dindi and Krizia of ATP (Association of Trangender people of the Philippines) was invited to give a talk on the World Aids Day and also about the trans101 and the Hiv awareness and prevention.
That night Dindi's anak updated her whats going on since she left the place 2 years a go. And i witness how Mother Kate,Dindi and Krissha talking to the community about Trans 101, like for example its best to avoid the term 'Bakla' and use 'Transwomen' instead because of the negative connotation from local cultural history it represents and also about HiV awareness work with the community. Dindi's anak also invited a transwoman who's living with Hiv condition to share her story tommorrow during the event. It is world Aids day and the local municipal council is managing the event and also invited other school, and institution to the event.

The place that we stayed have a nice beach seriously, it was deep blue in colour and the sea is very calm, the mountains is green, few horses here and there, (an army infantry nearby), this is such a refreshing view from the visual/audio noises of metro Manila.

2nd December, yesterday morning from the Villa resort we went to the Navarcan town for the World Aids day parade, it was organized by the Muncipal of Navarcan Aids Council. (I know, even in a small town like this its so progress, people are open up to things like addressing the Hiv and Aids awareness via World Aids day, everyone is participating not just the local Lgbt community but also marching band from what look like primary schools children, local police, the entire Navarcan council and the mayor. It is quite an eye opener.

Then after the parade we went back to the villa where the main event of the day where MdmKate and Dindi was invited to give a talk about ATP and what they're advocating, trans101, gender identity/sexual orientaion and expression and also Hiv and Aids awareness. After the even finished we pack up and go back to town where Mdm.Kate have to leave back to her home in Muntinlupa because of her work, then me, Dindi and Krizia hope on Krizia's brothers 4wd and head for the mountain, a small town called Gregorio Del Pilar. It took around 1 and a half hour and 2 stops for the photo opportunity and a pee break.( like in Malaysia, when we stop for pee in the jungle we ask for permission like datok i ask for permission to pee here while here its the same intention in a form of word 'Bari-bari'.)

What fasinated me here in the Philippines was the LGBT orgaization here often work closely with the LGU(local government units). I just took a picture with the vice mayor and the council member of municipal of this town Gregorio del Pilar. I was told even without appointment they often accomodate people and he just shared his story with me his recent trip to Kuala Lumpur and Genting Highland.
(Short history: Gregorio del Pilar is the last general of thr Philippines army who was hunted down and killed by the American army. That's where this town got its name from.)
Here is a picture of us i'm with Rica Dukey one member of the local community who work at the municipal office as Municipal Planning and Replacement Officer.
Dindi will work with her on the local version of Anti discrimination law soon next year.
Now it is so hot here, Dindi said its because of global warming, normally 10am its cold up here. The plan for today is hiking up the mountain but at the moment it is very very scorching hot, so we're just hang out at the municipal office and looking at the fiesta down there, eating some local sticky rice (local delicacy with brown sugar added) but not that sweet and sipping pepsi from the bottle.

I just realize today afer watching the parade passing by Krizia's house is maybe my long, buried dream longtime a go was to be a marching band captain. Because i really like the costume worn and the moves and leading the whole marching band seemed so cool.
Tonight Krizia is going to be tabulating the scores of the beauty pageant so i was told to participate as well, my job is to give the sache to the beauty one of the contestant. Later in the afternoon after lunch at the municipal office we went back home and rest,then Krizia manage to hire 3 local boys for us to take us for sightseeing, i brought some extra sarong the plan was to take a dip in the river and we took off. We stop at some spots for the beautiful picturesque scenery. Some scenes makes me think this is like New Zealand version of Philippines, green hills and mountains as far as the eye can see and the serene river with some buffolos around reminded me of the old waterfall paintings we hang at home during the 80s. We stop at a river, Krizia swims but since i didnt bring any towel i just walk on the shallows side of the river.Then we stop at a barangay where Tonet stays and visit her grocery shop and have a little chat about the event tonight. After that we left and back at Krizia's house, take a rest for awhile and prepare for the beauty pageant tonight.

Apparently 2 days a go ( and the point we are here is because of) 'The' town 114th Anniversary Celebration of the Tirad Pass and Annual Town Fiesta 2013' and the beauty pageant that Krizia's going to participating as the judge is just part of the program last night and it is the fiesta here not to be missed!.
I was told as well many Local Government Units(LGU) apparently the whole of the Philippines oftenly work closely with the LGBT people to get the function/work going because they are reliable and often successfully make an event a great event. Like yesterday or last night i've seen Rica who works as the MPDC officer and also Tonet, and Krizia and other transwomen who are working for the event and make it successful. It was just like other pageant but the local community work hard to make the event successful and superfun. The city mayor came to officiate the event, they were so many policemen with guns as well at their disposal.

Started around 9pm, and finished around 2am, i think i slept around 3am but the sisters just hang put outside and drink until 6am. It was an interesting event indeed. I was told as well that the city mayor or her name Luz isn't that fond of the Lgbt people but apparently she's the minority here and nobody take her seriously. The event went smoothly and we see some costume was definitely creative, some were made of recycled styrofoam boxes. Some are like the traditional pageant style with extended accesories at the back for the extravagant effects. Long feather boa hats and tail. Sexy night gown and traditional costumes. The participants are quite young, they're around 16 years old
Today 4dec is our last free day here, afterwards Krizia going to take us around the neighborhood walking around on our last, free and easy day. Gregorio Del Pilar is indeed a unique town with a long history. I was given a pocket book from Rica about the history of this town and besides the name that come from a hero general who was killed in battle with the American soldiers, its a small community town where everyone knows each other and here theres no crime at all reported, you can leave your things around and nobody will take it. The Town history books says "Crimes like killings, kidnapping and stealing are virtually out of the townfolks vocabulary. One can sleep with windows and doors open at night and safely leave his/her produce at the farm for weeks. The townfolks love to celebrate barangay and town fiestas, weddings, baptisms, death anniversaries, feasting in the natives styles-opportunitis to display their native cultural dances, songs and ballads."
"Generally speaking the people depend on their farms for living. However, some have already sought employment as laborers and as domestic helpers abroad while others are employed in the govenment. No family is considered so rich to have servants, yet nobody is so poor as to be homeless and squatting on somebody else's land."
After Dindi and Krizia woke up we eat a little bit, bagoong, ikan jacket,rice,etc.Then we walk to the cemetary to visit Krizia's late father and her younger brother. Then we walk slowly and stopby at Rica's house talking about marriage equality, Rica's been living with her partner for about 16 years and adopted a child which is around 5 years old. Dindi was saying there's only 1 company here in the Philippines 'Thompson Reuters' who give benefits to couple who have 'domestic partners', couple who stayed together for more than 5 years but without legal papers or marriage recognition. The only company seemed progressive enough compare to other corporations. Then we also talk about violence towards our community where her gay friends got killed and stabbed for 61 times, but because the court is late in coming out with the arrest warrent, the perpetrators is loose.
We also talk about the situation in Mindanao where Dindi's contact Chris Lopera from an NGO 'Shine socsargent' told her that the imam declare during the sermon that the transpeople have no place in Mindanao. And also there was a case in Marawi city where a transwoman got stone by the locals for just being a transwoman but she manage to escape.

The town here at night reminded me a little bit of Nepal, there isn't much light pollution and we manage to see the stars as far as the eyes can see at night, its really, really beautiful. Like million infinite diamonds rolling all the way out to the dark abyss of the sky. It is so diffrenet than yesterday during fiesta, now at night its totally quite and darkness and there's only few lights coming from few houses, maybe some 4 street lights, but it is safe here and peaceful.
Then we walk back to the house and have the red whine that Dindi and Krizia bought before coming up the mountain. "For the future of trans people" chink! We toasted.

Next morning we woke up early around 530am but because of tired we woke up slightly late than plan, then eat breakfast, shower (mountain spring water, cold but so good), say goodbye to Krizia's mom and family then off to the municipal office and wait for our ride, a local Jeepney drove us down the mountain back to Navarcan town. The downhill ride at around 10am in the morning was so gorgeous, the view of the geenary, mountains, rocks, terrace padi fields, small rivers, rocky ride on the dried stony river bed, the air is ao fresh its hard for me to imagine letting go of this fresh air, probably my lungs is crying and was sending me the message. I took many deep breathes and trying to memorize and register the mountain fresh air of Gregorio Del Pilar.

Dindi told me she participated in some of the beauty pageant in some of the district down the montain, she use to travel around with her friends participated in the beauty pageants along the small district or town, she won around 5000pesos and share the money with her anak-anak, this is about 1997/1998 long time ago.
We reach the Navarcan town, put pur bags at Dindi's friend salon, buy oursleves some souvenir in a form of locally made cakes. Go back to the place we left Kate, and we took our bus at 1030am. The whole trip the conducter played the movie The Avengers, Avatar, and a local Ilocan comedy show. The bus stop at the same stop when we're going to Ilocos, but one of the stop we left our poridge halfway unfinished because the bus is leaving quickly. Dindi and Krizia get down at North Sm near their house and i get down at the place where we took the bus at Cubao. Took a taxi back to the hostel and my flu is getting worse. This morning i bought the flu medicine that Dindi mentioned, but until now, ic an't forget how priceless was the whole trip, i felt lie iw as one with the elements. I miss the soft breeze and the calm sea by the beach and the mountain fresh air and water. Ultimately the quite and calm away from the statice noise of the metro manila. And now im back in the grids. Truly miss the nature.