Tuesday, June 17, 2014


Yesterday i went to akta community center shinjuku to set up my exhibition, ironically i can't stick anything or use the wall but use the hook on the ceiling slightly infront of the wall to hang the artwork, i feel proud of myself because i did it all on my own for the first time in my life. Usually like last year big exhibition in SG Bienalle i need many people's help because of the installation, chairs and curators friends who helped hang the artwork on the wall. Yesterday i manage to do all with just a thought in mind. Make it simple. And with that thoughts i manage to do the setting up more breezely, switfly, and with the help of 2 friends, 1 who translate from English to Japanese and another help with hanging the artwork but setting up tying up the strings were fast, i guess with the idea of simple settings or start simple as foundation, then later i can just add on to make it more elaborate is the way to do it.
During setting and putting up artwork, there was a woman who came to the center and she was talking to Janji san who volunteering at the center. I was wondering if she was a transwomen or crossdressers because in Japan, the crossdressers scene or movement is strong and very visible in public. There's an activists name Junko Mitshuhashi who shared her experience living as a crossdresser in Japan and she was invited to many talks, interviewed, written articles to media about her life experience and other activity in crossdressers community. The difference between crossdressers and transwomen is they don't experience what the medical term called gender identity disorder or gender dysphoria. For transwomen the feeling of having the opposite sex body and what they feel indside is devastating. The suicide rate for transperson is high. One often have an idea to hurt the body or someone to hurt them or som just end it by committing suicide. This kind of information is rately published in local media where they often misunderstood and shamed for being who they are. As a transwoman coming from extremist conservative country i find it very interesting because us transwoman trying hard from time to time to tell or educate the society who enforce gender binary that that we're not crossdressers or tranvestite or drag queen. We're just woman who live, think as one full time. Transvestite, crossdressers are men who express their femininity in their own safe-space in certain short time.
In our activism in a way we undermine crossdressers because for us they confused our messages to the public or society. A society who cared less about other fellow humans variety and the simple differences of gender and sexuality. Privilege bodied i call it often take this for granted and often force their handed down heteronormativity in their daily lives. Still buying pink for female assigned baby at birth and blue for male assigned at birth without questioning the origins of this stereotype.
I have crossdressers friends who meet occasionaly in one place, make up, wearing women's clothes congregate then take photos together and then go back to being a man. Heterosexual male. Some married some single and some transitioning transwoman. (For transitioning tranwomen its because she find a safe space to do so to express herself probably because she don't have the priviledge maybe coming from restricted, or conservative family and the difficulties of transition.)
I heard and read same stories here in Japan. Crossdressers often meet up in one place, a safe space for them to share their interests. But in Japan crossdressers are more visible in public than in malaisea. When i said crossdressers because they dont usually take hormones and 1 single look you can tell by the skin and dimensions of the body. But because of the Japanese culture as well that they don't invade other people's space then its ok for one to be or wear whatever one wants in public.
Transwomen journey also have many types before becoming oneself. Some thought they were a gay person who attracted to other opposite sex. But eventually found her true identity later. Some suppress it until later in life around 40s, 50s or 60s and eventually gave up and just be who they feel inside and start transitioning. Despite some medical disadvantages because of old age some even go through sex reassignment surgery late in the 60s to achieve their dreams.
When i was growing up, i strongly want SRS so so badly. The urge is very very strong. Some friends during that time kept preventing me from doing so because its a sin. This privilege born in the synched body woman friends of mind will never know for lacking empathy of information on gender dysphoria.
When i was young the gender divide in the family is clear, my sister would do the cooking and i'll do the heavy lifting, buying stuff from the groceries stores. I always have this vision standing on a platform where one side is for women and one side is for men and i would standing on the wrong side of the platform and figuring out how to jump to the other side. Sometimes i just kept staring to the other side and see the train passing-by.

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